The Sad, Indie Box

Background by Pawel Czerwinski, Collage by Faith Terrill

There’s this trend on TikTok of asking a hot girl “Does she listen to girl in red?” in order to ascertain if the poster is gay. This pisses me off. Because I don’t listen to girl in red. Am I gay? YES. Lesbians and women who love women are almost universally associated with sad indie pop. I never agreed to this, and I want to try to work through why this perception exists.

Don’t get me wrong: We definitely do listen to this kind of music. Go to a Brandi Carlile show and see how many women with colored hair you can count. Many people have written about the crushing loneliness of being lesbian. Generally being excluded from the patriarchal version of personhood can do that. The overall queer experience often comes with the personal struggle of doubting one’s own identity and feeling erased. This could be the reason why we gravitate toward sad bedroom indie-pop. Think of the sounds of Dodie, Mitski or Sufjan Stevens. These artists express a sonic loneliness. There’s something about ethereal synths and soft, whispered lyrics that make you wonder if you are the only person in the world. It’s easy to wallow in this feeling and romanticize it to cope. But just as this isn’t the only emotion we feel, it isn’t the only music we should be associated with. The girls like to throw it back sometimes! 

“Gay men are stereotyped for loving female pop queens, but women uplifting male artists is the norm. In the patriarchy, men respecting women is abnormal, while women respecting men is expected.”

Going to a gay club (RIP) means constant bangers and dance-pop, while lesbian bars don’t have that kind of consistency in musical style. As a lady gay, I love Gaga, Carly Rae and of course my bisexual queen Demi Lovato. They are staples in pop culture; their excellent, danceable music connects everyone, but they’re specifically claimed by gay men as icons. (For other examples of popular music associated with gay men, simply turn to the lipsync songs on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”) Rather than claim that no lesbian mainstream pop fans exist, I think we are simply being overlooked. It is normative for women to be interested in celebrity; teenage girl fans are often scoffed at for their “shallow” tastes. This goes doubly for male artists. Gay men are stereotyped for loving female pop queens, but women uplifting male artists is the norm. In the patriarchy, men respecting women is abnormal, while women respecting men is expected. 

Historically, lesbians have been associated with bra-burning and angry guitars. The 90s, it seems, were a time for loud gay girls to thrive. Second-wave feminism was kicking ass and taking names, and with it came the riot grrrl scene. Women were coming together to yell about politics and The Man while finding community in music. Think about that description of Kat from “10 Things I Hate About You” that’s in so many Bumble bios: “Likes Thai food, feminist prose, and angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion.” Why did this scene die out? While “lesbian music” might have been descriptive, it was also used derogatorily. Fear that all feminists were secretly lesbians was damaging in a homophobic and misogynistic society. The riot grrrl scene was seen as too abrasive and radical. This could be another reason why a toned-down image is more acceptable now. Sad malaise is more palatable than intense expression.  

With mainstream celebrity culture now, it’s assumed female fans want to have sex with their male idols. This idea needs unpacking. When thinking gender-neutrally, fans attach themselves to lyrics and emotions. Why is female attraction to male musicians seen as solely sexual? This perception may erase lesbian fans altogether. I was always surprised that while boybands are attacked with surface-level homophobia, they haven’t had the perception of having queer fans. Boybands sing unabashedly about romancing girls. Of course I stanned the Jonas Brothers: They sang about loving girls. I also love girls! The lyrics are relatable to me, they praise womanhood. Hozier is one of the few current straight male artists (possibly the only?) with a vocal lesbian fanbase. Why is he an exception? His lyrics treat women with respect and awe without shying away from physical desire. The perspective from which he sings is relatable to women who love women, as it lacks objectification, while still being incredibly romantic. Hozy is definitely not the only male musician who lesbians like, he’s just one of the few men who understands and embraces us.

“Gay girls are whole people with myriad tastes and proclivities. I think it’s time to examine why everyone tries to reduce us to a small subset of tastes that are made only for us.”

One time at a Queer Prom in college, “Girls like Girls” came on the playlist. Hayley Kiyoko isn’t my favorite, but her music comes with a certain pride in my people. It’s harmless, fun pop to gently sway to in the summer. A gay man turned off the song mid-way through and gave me a sorry-not-sorry look. Lesbian artists may be popular within the community, but don’t achieve mainstream success. Pop culture isn’t considered respectable until men say it is. This is why while many lesbian artists like Hayley Kiyoko and King Princess might be considered “cool,” they fail to pick up radio play. Lesbian artists are not taken seriously, and are written off as too niche to appeal to broader audiences. While queer people are used to reading themselves into media, most non-lesbians won’t make this effort. Men will elevate female pop queens who sing about self-confidence and sexuality as long as they also sing about loving men. Even this is not a given: Look at Janelle Monae. Her queer excellence remains unrecognized by mainstream culture despite her incredible artistry. She gave us the best song of the CENTURY, “Make Me Feel,” which is a bisexual anthem. It never achieved higher than 99 on the Billboard hot 100 chart. 

Gay girls are whole people with myriad tastes and proclivities. I think it’s time to examine why everyone tries to reduce us to a small subset of tastes that are made only for us. We should totally uplift our fellow gals and nonbinary artists, but also take ownership of all music we like. See y’all at the first HAIM concert post-quar.